Jessica Simpson

Pop Star Singer
Full Name: Jessica Ann Simpson
Birthplace: Abilene, Texas
Age: 29
Birthday: July 10, 1980
Height: 5'3

BIO

Sweet mother of G-d, Jessica Simpson has got some huge breasts. Holy frickin' $h!t. Look at those things!

She also possesses a singing voice that, while by no means good, was sufficient enough to secure a couple of million album sales in the late 1990s / early 2000s, when the public was more or less content to fork over $$ in exchange for unlistenable crap.

Way to go, Jessica Simpson fans!

But her career is going downhill quickly, as evidenced by her divorce from Nick Lachey, but even more so by her recent "work" projects. We are talking seriously bad music and even worse acting. It's not exactly a winning combination.

Starring in terrible movies hasn't helped Jessica Simpson.

Nor has the meddling of her pimp father, Joe Simpson, or some ill-advised romances with the likes of John Mayer. What a frickin' loser. That douchebag can eat it.

Poor Jessica. Oh well. It was a good run while it lasted, and the aforementioned boobs look like they're here to stay. Those puppies are not small by any means.

Also, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo apparently likes her so much (for reasons unknown) that he's willing to lose playoff games for the rest of his career.


Jessica's Quote:
 
" It's all about keeping the faith. That's why I pray out loud."

" Please remember, no matter what you go through in life, somebody else might have it harder. So just appreciate. I feel like in our world today we focus on so many things that are completely pointless."

" Curves are better. I don't get the whole rail thing. It's not good for your heart, it's not good for your mind; it's emotionally destructive, it really is."

" I've been contemplating taking a college course in religion. I love
 religion."

" To be my man, you have to put up with a lot. I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC's."

" It's important to make a stand for women's rights. If I can get up there and be any inspiration to women, I am blessed to have that opportunity."

" I've always been a country girl. It feels good to be on stage being myself."

" I would love to be making records and making babies, and hopefully I'm married in 10 years. I have the dreams of every normal person."

" I've had secret lovers...I can keep some things quiet."
" I'm not a jealous girlfriend."